Something About Relationships

Whether on a personal or business basis, it is important to note that many relationships fail as a result of the parties not really coming to know one another. Personally, the attraction might be centered on to a physical or emotional basis that brings people together to enjoy the fruits of becoming involved. However, should that be the primary criterion, once the attraction fades and the day-to-day operation of a relationship begins to take over it isn’t unusual for problems to set in often resulting in a breakup. In this article, I will touch on just a few points that might be of value to some of you.

In business, there is a similar pattern only the attraction has to do with money, control or power. However, these needs tend to fade into the background as the reality of a business person’s relationship to a partner or constituents begin to take on problems such as distrust, suspiciousness and breakdowns in communication. Of course a business person cannot make the same choices in their taking on a new position as one might in personal relationship choices. However, there is a common problematic element to both.

Taking the time to get to know your partner is the most common missing link that is attributable to the breakdown of a relationship. Although it is important to trust our “gut feelings”, it is equally important to allow those feelings to be tested over a reasonable period of time in order to determine whether the choices that we might make as a result are worthy of pursuit.

Another major element in understanding the breakdown of relationships is contained in the issue of communication. Whether personally or in business, it is certainly very important to express our thoughts in order to engage others in conducting a viable relationship. However, it is also very important to be able to express feelings that we possess in order to communicate effectively. I realize that in business, many believe that feelings have no place in conducting the steps leading to making profits. “Keep your feelings to yourself” or “hold your cards close to the vest” are common expressions that embody that practice. However, in my consulting around business matters within large corporations or small businesses, the ultimate breakdown of business relationships can very often be traced back to feelings that were dismissed in the early stages of the relationship. Of course, the very same principle applies to personal relationships as well.

Communication is always a factor in the building or the breakdown of all relationships. I have found, though, that many people consider good communication to be “talking a good game” without the element of listening. Listening seems to be a lost art in our society. I remember the song with the words “Everybody’s talking at me” as being popular back when. I have found that the key to effective communication is based in how well people can truly listen to others. This means that while others may be making their points, you are not thinking of your rebuttal but instead are intently listening to what they have to say. There can be a pause at the end of their discourse allowing you to muster your thoughts and ideas. Listening is a very empowering experience for the person being listened to because the sense of someone truly caring about what is being said engenders a sense of trust and interest. Think of how you feel while trying to express something, the person on the other end of your nose does not seem interested. My sense is one of futility. Wouldn’t you rather experience a sense of integrity instead? I know that I would.

I would like to make one last remark. Keep in mind that there is a direct correlation between how healthy and effectively we conduct personal relationships and what we can expect the outcome of business relationships to become. This really makes sense if you think about it. You are the same person whether you are conducting a relationship in your personal life or in your business and it’s the person, not the odds, that direct the outcome.


Both as a consultant and author, Charles Bonasera’s story-telling have motivated people to change patterns and resolve problems in their lives. All of his books contain valuable, practical lessons that people can easily apply to bettering and managing their lifestyles. He has also written a myriad of articles which can be found on his website at www.charlesmbonasera.com.

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