WOW! Benny (The Rabbit) Punch shot out of his corner like a bullet, his fists flailing like the sails of a windmill.
The crowd went mad. It was the night of the big fight, with the reigning Paperweight Boxing Champion, Benny (The Rabbit) Punch matched against the young contender, Billy (Frogman) Bash who, according to Tex Crowshoot, the sports columnist with the Daily Mess was “a force to be reckoned with”
‘Benny! Benny! Benny!’ roared Benny’s supporters.
Billy (Frogman) Bash – called “Frogman” because of his fancy footwork in the ring . . . Billy (Frogman) Bash just stood his ground, looking daggers at his opponent.
‘Oh, pernch heem in ze kee-ser, Bill-ee!’ squealed Billy’s French girlfriend, Fifi, watching the bout from a ringside seat.
‘Sure thing, Fifi,’ said Billy, swinging round with a powerful left hook that Benny (The Rabbit) Punch ducked away from before hitting Billy with the old 1-2-3-4 he was famous for, and BLAM-M! – a fifth punch for good measure.
Billy fell flat on his ashpan.
‘A-one, a-two, a-three, a-four,’ went the referee, standing over Billy to make the count.
Hey, Billy (Frogman) Bash was down, okay? But the boy WAS NOT OUT!
‘Billy-oh! Billy-oh! Billy-oh!’ chanted Billy’s supporters, bringing Billy to his feet on the count of eight – very quickly to his feet! Because, as Billy (Frogman) Bash jumped to his feet, his head caught the referee under the chin and knocked him cold.
‘Insensé!’ screamed Fifi, who didn’t really understand the rules of boxing.
‘It’s a knock-out all right,’ agreed Billy, giving Fifi the thumbs-up. ‘You’re not supposed to knock the ref out is all!’
Even so, this is exactly how Billy (Frogman) Bash managed to knock Benny (The Rabbit) Punch into the middle of next week. Because, in lifting his right hand to wave to Fifi, he caught Benny (The Rabbit) Punch with a brutal upper-cut to the jaw.
Benny (The Rabbit) Punch fell like a tree and lay flat on his face, snoring on the canvas which caused the crowd to count him out.
‘A-one, a-two, a-three, a-four, a-five, a-six, a-seven, an-eight, a-nine, a-te-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-n . . . Billy-oh! Billy-oh! Billy-oh!’
Then they carried Billy (Frogman) Bash, the new Paperweight Boxing Champion of the World, shoulder high from the arena.
But not before President Obama had presented Billy (Frogman) Bash with . . .
the Congressional Medal of Honor . . .
two hot dogs in ketchup . . .
a stack of Marvel comics . . .
a dozen chocolate doughnuts . . .
and a year’s supply of Fudge bars!
‘2-4-6-8 Who do we appreciate?’ roared the two-thousand-strong crowd, their voices echoing through the city streets. ‘Billy-oh! Billy-oh! Billy-Billy-Billy-oh!’
‘Burp!’ said Billy, one hot dog, a doughnut and a Fudge bar later.
‘Délicieuse!’ said Fifi, as she shifted the other hot dog.
(13 July 2016)
See Amazon Kindle books recently published by Bill Keeth: Every Street in Manchester, Manchester 9, Write It Self-Publish It Sell It, Boost Your Pocket Money and Pension